I don’t live here anymore

I want to move. Out of the country. I feel so jaded and tired of everything, but I know it’s all in my head, and I’m only running from myself. It seems like every time I get myself into a more positive mindset, something external happens that promptly slaps me back down three shades of sadness. My parents make me feel like a piece of shit. They have such ridiculous expectations. They also expect me to BUY FOR 35000 this stupid condo I’m living in in a years time… I can’t even have my dog here, they have taken him into their home (it all seemed to so conveniently fall into place). I feel like they just want to impose their will on me because they think the decisions I make for myself are no good. FUCK! I’m so sick of being made to feel worthless, goddamnit… My feelings fucking matter, too. I just want to curl up into a ball and die, or at least disappear from this reality. I want to run far far away and never look back… I know it’s my depression rearing its ugly head, but why does this keep happening?
I just want to cry
I feel so… Indescribable
I feel like mistakes
I feel like darkness
I feel like I don’t want anything anymore but to hide or run away and find comfort in the things I love, before someone finds a way to take those away, too
Fuck me, shutting up now